On Homesickness During the Holidays

 

Lately I’ve been feeling nostalgic for my hometown of Edmonton.

14181416367_4be45649bf_z

Source

I can’t pinpoint what, exactly, is making me feel these waves of homesickness. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been a while since I’ve been amongst old friends. Or maybe it’s the nostalgia of the holidays. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it is a simple fact of life that I will always define “home” as the place I grew up, and not the place I live.

Or maybe I’m just bad at living away from home.

I have a complicated relationship with being away from Alberta. On one hand, I’m grateful for the opportunity to explore a new city and meet new people. If I hadn’t lived in Kamloops, for instance, I would have never discovered my love for the outdoors. And, without living in Oakville, I would have never discovered how cathartic it is to live near a big body of water like Lake Ontario. Also- there’s no denying it- I’m grateful to live in a place with a shorter winter than Edmonton can offer.

IMG_4078

But the truth is l also feel conflicted about living away from home. That somehow I’ve compromised my values. I value family and I often feel sad that my children won’t experience what it is to have family close by. The ease of feeling connected to those you love when you see them regularly. It’s no coincidence that the Aunt I feel closest to, for instance, is the one I grew up living in the same city as.

But I also value adventure and the opportunity to explore new places and see new things. Living in a new city innately provides this opportunity.

These values of adventure and of family feel like opposing forces at times; for instance, when we are thinking about where to go on vacation. It is always a difficult decision about whether to explore new territory, or go visit family somewhere. With finite funds, the decisions become ridden with guilt and I often feel at odds with myself.

We had good reasons for moving here but I guess I’m still waiting for the moment when my values feel aligned with my decisions and I walk through the door and feel that I am “home”.

Until then, whenever I feel homesick, I ask myself one simple question: “If you could make the choice again, would you have doubts if you said no?“. The answer is always “yes”. Only when I ask myself that question do I feel I’m exactly where I need to be.

Do you live away from home? How do you deal with homesickness?

 

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “On Homesickness During the Holidays

  1. As an undergraduate student at McMaster University I only get a chance to go home about 4 times a year which includes: October reading weak, X-Mas break, February reading week, and summer. Being away from my family and friends in Toronto can get quite stressful due to the homesickness feeling. Although this is said, I will never regret living in Hamilton for my 4 years for my undergrad as my experience has been phenomenal.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s